By : Marjing Mayanglambam
The day when you were born, I felt really happy for a new life was ahead of us. But you cried a lot, and it seemed very confusing, why Cry when you have just met our lovely parents? Well, it seemed that, Mind was still with the creator, and Body, with me. Looking after you was my sole duty, until Mind settles down with both of us. The day you gained the ability to see, it made me surprised and I felt the world through your sights. The day you said your first word “mama”, and our mom cried and laughed so hard, we both could feel it, right? Ah! Life was good back then, when we enjoyed a lot, you, crying when hungry, puking at mom’s lap, pooping at grandma’s bed, making silly faces at Dad’s silly baby expressions.
That day, do you remember the first moment you gained consciousness of our surroundings and when dear Mind came to us? That was when I felt so alone, and very down, for you and Mind bonded so fast, and ignored me most of the time. Nevertheless, being a part of you, I tried to participate and enjoy our, uh… well, I guess, yours and Mind’s life very much. The day you went to school and cried a lot because you were bullied, that day one of our closest friend betrayed us, that day our parents forgot our birthday due to their busy schedules and life tasks, that darkest day of our life when one of our relatives abused us sexually, that day our teacher made harsh comments on us in front of everyone, that day our lovely pet dog was kidnapped and killed, that thunderstruck day our dearest Grandma suddenly passed away when we were out stationed, that day we failed in an examination and our parents, teachers, friends were disappointed with us very much, that day our lover betrayed and left us for another person, those days where we were not selected at the applied jobs, that one ‘life and death situation’ day when You couldn’t grab hold anymore and tried to end our life, all those days, you, dear body always seemed to forget to look upon me, and instead, consulted with Mind, yet, I constantly tried to console you and even wanted you to not recall all those bad memories and go on with our life without any remorse of the past, but, Mind was very intolerant and it let you to still remember those sad and bad moments even till today.
Dear body, that day when you had to be forcefully taken to the mental health clinic, because you weren’t able to sleep or eat properly, couldn’t carry out life’s tasks normally, couldn’t focus or concentrate in studies, couldn’t meet anybody and sulked all alone in the dark corner of our room, constantly finding ways to end yourself, constantly feeling fearful, scared, and felt being looked upon by every eyes of the world, always weeping softly feeling that you were all alone in this big wide world, and unable to sought help from anyone; Did you know how much I cried in pain seeing your gloomy and feared face, which was once a smiling and happy face.
Now, during those sad and miserable days, what was Mind doing? Always supporting you to end ourselves for you felt somehow a burden to your own self and to all around us. Mind was corrupted, for it always brings up all of our past sorrowful memories, and guilts every time you felt sad, and also, even when you tried your best to make yourself happy, Mind tries to stop that bright feelings by bringing up the dark sided feelings. Finally, I admitted that we needed treatments in order to save yourself, and me too, so, it was Mind who needed the treatments and therapies the most. That Mind, ugh, why did it always resist the treatment procedures? It seemed like it was becoming a separate alien being. Why isn’t it cooperating with both of us and the therapies? Oh! Well, it seemed both of your bonding still to this day was too strong and I was unheeded.
Our parents felt ashamed of us in front of everyone, for in our society even though it is the year 2020, the knowledge of mental health and problems are very vague and seen in a very bad manner/taboo/aspect to this very day itself. Our friends started to call us ‘psycho’ for you had all those panic attacks regularly and acted weird due to the fears and anxieties. Our teachers started to treat us specially as if we were somebody totally different from the rest. The feeling of being different and abnormal made you feel even more insecure and scared that you wanted to stay all alone or even give up. I also suddenly realized, besides Mind and I, you had a separate instinctive social animal consciousness that made you function separately. This was the moment after the realization, that I pushed myself to the limits and tried to connect with you even more and strongly. You did realize that you were being played all along by Mind, and even you admitted that there was a strong and urgent need of mental support and care from someone who will understand us very clearly and dedicatedly. Our therapist, yes, they tried their best professionally, our parents, they are the ones who must play the major role in making us feel better, our friends, never give a 100% trust to any of them for they have their own lives too and it can’t be assured whether they will feel sympathetic or caring towards us, but, by the act of God, there’s always a few limited and rare individuals who’ll appear before us and provide us with many mental supports and care, regardless of their own benefits.
“Finally, it is you, Body, I, your Soul, and Mind, the three of us who must make Ourselves feel better, happier, enjoyed, relaxed, and optimistic all the time.”